You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
