I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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