don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
