ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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