I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
