i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i've created a new STD.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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