I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
