Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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