I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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