My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
