Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
