he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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