I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
