cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
