Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
