I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
