the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
