just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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