I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
