I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
