Umm I'm too high to move.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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