I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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