Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
