I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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