Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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