Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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