no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We had sex on a dog bed..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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