Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
