I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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