operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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