I think I won the penis lottery.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
