You smell like stripper and shame
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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