Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
