I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
