you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
