I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
