YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
