I have demons in me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
