She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
