Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
