And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
