his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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