My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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