i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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