sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
