We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
