You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
