So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
