no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
