Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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