life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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