We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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