I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
