I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
