I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize