Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
