when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
