yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
