Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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