did you get engaged???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize