My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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