I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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