dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize