i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
