No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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