Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Damn victory sex feels great
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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