ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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