at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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