he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize