next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
