So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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