dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had to cum in my sink.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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