unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
