i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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