im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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