hotel room ftw
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
