It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
