have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
