My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize