My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
