It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
