Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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