Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
