i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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