New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
3 2 1 whiskey
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize