do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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