I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
how drunk are you?
Several
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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