so that wasnt chicken after all
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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