I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Of course I have a pirate flag
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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