i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
