UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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