How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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